


Ocean Front Property

by dammitjimimadoctor



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Eventual Happy Ending, John's an Idiot, Light Angst, M/M, McShep - Freeform, Rodney's just Rodney, Slash pairing, but no sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2016-02-25
Packaged: 2018-04-07 22:18:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4280010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dammitjimimadoctor/pseuds/dammitjimimadoctor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remember that George Strait song?  John wishes Rodney would just shut up and LISTEN to it for once.  </p><p>Also known as, the one where John has a realization about Rodney and then tries to subtly gauge Rodney's reaction.  Unfortunately for him, Rodney's never been very good with subtle...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Another Day at the Office

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Was listening to this song when an scene of John all but TELLING Rodney how he feels popped into my head. Started to write, and of course, I haven't actually REACHED that point yet. We'll see how everything pans out. (Yep, don't know yet :P) I'm a bit rusty, and I've also never written for SGA before (but I've watched the entire series about 8 times :P), so any constructive feedback is welcome!

“RODNEY?!”

“Running for my life, can’t talk right now!”

“You SAID they were friendly!”

Rodney throws a scathing glance back at Lt Colonel Sheppard.  Running for their lives or not, there is absolutely no reason for the Colonel to be casting blame, and on _Rodney_ , of all people!  He huffs out, “No, I said that the ANCIENT DATABASE said they were friendly.  Has your spikey hair finally swallowed your brain?  I’m working off of 10,000 year old material, here!  How on Earth, I mean, we’re not on Earth, but you know what I mean, but how was I supposed to know-”

Sheppard pauses momentarily to send a blast of P-90 fire back the way they came. “McKay?”

“What?!”

“Shut up and RUN!”

Rodney continues sprinting for the gate (only 500 meters, you can **_DO_** this, McKay!) and tries to take his mind off of the volley of arrows whistling through the air by thinking about just how _unfair_ this all was.

The Ancient Database had been wrong. Again.

AR-1 had reached the village closest to the gate, only to (accidentally) tread on sacred ground during the annual Ancestral Harvest Festival.

Again.

The natives had taken offense and immediately turned on Sheppard’s team, shouting that they were devils and needed to be destroyed.

_Again._

And now, of course, Sheppard, McKay, Ronon, and Teyla are shouting for Atlantis to lower the shield and NOW because they’re running for their lives and coming in hot.

**_Again._ **

No, Rodney figures, this is certainly not his fault.  In fact, it could be considered just another day at the office.  If, you know, your office is the entirety of the Pegasus galaxy which actively tries to kill you on a daily basis.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

It's only hours later, after the debriefing (and why on Earth did he have to go to these things? Yet another bunch of backwards peasants, no new or Ancient tech in sight- even RONON could debrief a mission like this and, hello, genius? There’s totally more important stuff he could be doing instead) that Rodney starts to feel dizzy.  His laptop screen blurs in front of him; the room spinning around like when Sheppard gets it in his spiky head to fly loops in the jumper.  

Sheppard…

Rodney flails for his radio, finally managing to turn it on.  “Colonel Sheppard, it’s Dr McKay. Can you come up to my lab?”  Rodney tries to keep his voice steady- it’s probably no big deal, right?  Had he eaten anything after they got back to Atlantis?  Dammit, why did Carson have to be off-world NOW?!

“What is it now, McKay?” the familiar drawl comes through the earpiece, cutting off Rodney’s spiraling thoughts.

“Look, just… I’m not feeling great. Okay?”  Rodney winces.  Yes, he might tend to be a BIT of a hypochondriac, but he prefers to think of it as a healthy dose of self-preservation.  But the Colonel-

“Awww, Rodney, didja get another splinter?  I’m sure Marie will be more than happy to hear about your heroic fight against some dead branches, but I personally think you-”

“-Sheppard! Please! I need-”  Rodney is starting to get way more concerned.  He definitely remembers going to the mess hall after gating back, so it can’t be his hypoglycemia.  He’s feeling hot and itchy, and he’s starting to hyperventilate out of panic.  Well, trying to, because it suddenly gets much harder to breathe.

“McKay?! What’s going on? Can you hear me? McKay! RODNEY!”

Rodney manages to get out “John” and “help,” or at least he thinks he does because the room is getting darker and it’s hard to concentrate and he hopes that John heard him because oh god if he dies like this, alone, in the lab, after surviving Wraith, monsters made of darkness, nanoviruses, Replicators, and freaking BLOWING UP A SOLAR SYSTEM, he’ll be the laughingstock of the galaxy and oh god John please come please please please I’m gonna dieandIhaventtoldyouIloveyouyou _ **idiot**_ andyouneedtoknowandpleasepleaseplease

And as he falls into the darkness, he thinks he hears “Medical team to McKay’s lab. HURRY!  Don’t worry, buddy, we’re coming for you!”

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

No. No no no no no. 

John sprints to a transporter that will take him to the central spire, urging Atlantis to move faster. Before he called for a med team, it had sounded like McKay was wheezing, but then the sound had stopped.

John’s heart did, too.  No wheezing meant one of two things.  Either Rodney had recovered and gone back to breathing normally, or he had stopped breathing altogether.  The lack of ranting in his earpiece places a distinct strike against the first possibility, which only leaves...well…

No. Not an option. Not Rodney. No way.

John skids to a halt in the doorway to McKay’s lab and immediately notices the lack of people.  Apparently he’s beaten the med team, which, okay, maybe he **was** running just a little fast, but where the hell is Rodney?  John steps into the room and, for the second time in as many minutes, feels his heart stop as his gaze finally lands on his friend. McKay is crumpled on the ground, so still (and how weird is THAT?! Rodney is never still, even when he’s sleeping- John’s been whacked in the head too many times by Rodney’s enthusiastic sleep hand-gesturing on overnight missions to think that there is _anything_ alright with a still and silent McKay), and lips already turning blue.

“ _ **Dammit**_ , McKay!”

John’s an Air Force guy. He’s no stranger to losing people under his command, and while he takes each loss personally, he pushes down his grief and continues doing his job. Hey, denial and suppression have worked well for him so far- why mess with a winning formula?

But McKay? John can’t even _begin_ to imagine an Atlantis without the constant presence of the irascible scientist.

He has to do something, that’s all there is to it.  He’s not breathing, and his face is all red and blotchy- did he have an allergic reaction?  John could use the Epipen he carries around for just this situation, but what if it’s something else? Could the Epipen make things worse? Should he try CPR?!

The medical team rushes in and immediately gets to work, pushing John back towards the wall.  John stands there, shell-shocked, embarrassed by his indecisiveness.  He’s the military commander of Atlantis, for God’s sake!  It’s his JOB to make quick, life-or-death decisions! But seeing McKay so...so… _empty_... of life had shaken John.  And, he finally admits to himself as the med team starts running back towards the infirmary with Rodney strapped onto the gurney, it’s more than that.

He was terrified.  He IS terrified.  He was terrified that he would do something wrong, that he’d make Rodney worse, and the thought of Rodney dying because of John?  

He’d never be able to live with himself.  He just… It just...  

And now he’s terrified that his inaction may have sealed Rodney’s fate anyways. Rodney, with his sarcasm and a wit so sharp that he almost didn’t _need_ a physical weapon, who berates his entire science department until all of the women and most of the men are in tears, who would quite literally kill someone for a cup of real, honest-to-goodness coffee.  Rodney, with a superhuman ability to snatch all of Atlantis from death’s jaws not just once or twice, but on almost a weekly basis, using nothing but his genius brain.  Rodney, who will bring a 6-pack out to the west pier, where he knows John will be, when a mission goes wrong and they lose someone else, who has watched Back to the Future with John so many times that now John can’t watch it alone without Rodney’s rant about scientific inaccuracies at the forefront of his mind, Rodney who loves him, Rodney who will complain and whine and then do something stupidly brave and possibly suicidal to save everyone and-

Wait.

What?

He retraces his thoughts. Rodney who loves him.  He probes the idea like he would a sore tooth, pokes at it to see what his reaction is.

He didn’t mishear it, right? He was panicking and Rodney was wheezing and mumbling and his heartbeat was pounding in his ears as he ran through the corridors, so maybe?

No. Rodney definitely said it.  Rodney loves him. Loves _**John**_. (He doesn't know any other Johns, right? Why couldn't he have had a less common name?)

Happiness boils up inside of him, tinged with giddy relief and (if he’s honest with himself) just a touch of hysteria.  John’s been in love with Rodney for years, almost since they first set foot through the gate.  

But Rodney is his _best friend_.  

More importantly, Rodney’s _**straight**_. 

Or, at least, John always figured he was- Rodney’s never shown an interest in any guy on the base, even after the repeal of DADT.  (And it’s not because Rodney thought John would have a problem with it, right?  How could he, after co-conspiring to get Lorne and Zelenka together?!)

But John knows what he heard.  Rodney loves him.  Probably like a friend loves another friend, but possibly…

Maybe…?

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

An hour later, Rodney’s eyes open and he looks over to see John sitting by his bed in the infirmary.  The first words out of his mouth are “What did you do?!”

“What? C’mon Rodney, what makes you think I did something wrong?”

“Track record, history repeating itself, yadda yadda yadda, dumb flyboy with a-”

McKay cuts off suddenly as his eyes widen.

“I was in my lab, and something was wrong, and I called you because Carson’s off world and I don’t trust that other doctor- she is far too happy for someone who works on dead bodies for a living- and then I couldn’t breathe and then…  Then I must have passed out?”

John nods. “The doc thinks there was something on MX3-688 that caused a delayed allergic reaction.  We ran through all kinds of forest- maybe you accidentally grabbed an orange or something.”

“Oh, ha ha. Very funny, Sheppard.  I take it, since I’m alive, you actually responded to my call?”

John blinks.  “Of course I responded, Rodney. Don’t you remember? We talked for a second or two before you started having trouble breathing.”  John takes a deep breath in.  He’s gotta do it, he has to say something. “You were telling me something, Rodney. Something important!”

Okay, apparently his approach is making RODNEY say it.  Still. It’ll work.

“Don’t you remember?”

On second thought, maybe not.

Rodney slowly shakes his head, gaze turned inward as if he's shuffling through his memories.  “Colonel, I’m sorry, I don’t remember anything after asking you to come to my lab.”

So. Time for a sitrep. John is in love with Rodney. Rodney said (oh, Lord, _please_ let him have said it, this cannot be a figment of my imagination) that he loved John.  But Rodney doesn’t remember.  Which means that a) he actually DOES remember and is lying to cover for his embarrassment (but Rodney’s a terrible liar, all of Pegasus knows that!), b) he honestly doesn’t remember and John just needs to tell him (How hard can that be?), or c) John imagined the entire thing, projected his feelings onto his friend in his moment of panic, and will quite possibly end up alienating the best friend he’s ever had.

Well, crap.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

The sun is shining, the weather is perfect, a slight breeze carries a hint of ocean air, and Sheppard is brooding.

Oh sure, the colonel is _acting_ like his usual laid-back self.  Rodney trails behind as Sheppard tries to explain reality TV to Ronon and Teyla (again).  (Rodney doesn’t even know why he still bothers- they had a hard enough time accepting that all of planet Earth would sit and stare at a box for hours).

“So, you could watch your friends and loved ones, even separated by distance.  But how would they communicate back to you?”

“Uh, well, no. You don’t actually know the people that you’re watching, Teyla.  But sometimes they’re playing games or all trying to win a prize or something.”

Ronon snorted.  “Still seems pretty pointless to me.”

“I agree. Surely, Colonel, your time would be better spent keeping yourself aware of your friends and family, rather than complete strangers.”

“I, uh, well…”  Sheppard throws a pleading glance over his shoulder to Rodney. “C’mon, help me out here, McKay!”

Did Sheppard really think so little of him, that he assumed Rodney would watch the likes of Survivor or Toddlers and Tiaras or even (Rodney shudders to even think about it) Keeping Up with the Kardashians?! Sure, he watched the occasional episode of Jeopardy, and it was only natural to see Wheel of Fortune after that- he loved solving the puzzles and made a game out of how much faster he could get the answer than the lobotomized contestants they always had on the show.  And then, well, the Bachelor would come on and he’d get distracted watching all of those gorgeous women throwing themselves at an equally gorgeous man and sometimes he’d have to-

Well.

The point is, he was never really into reality TV, and for Sheppard to think otherwise was a complete insult to his intelligence and should- wait. Sheppard asked him a question.  

Um.

Right. (Thank God he’s a genius and can keep track of so many trains of thought.)

Rodney rolls his eyes and gives a little shrug, as if to say, “Nope, I can’t believe them either, but you brought it up and so _you_ get to deal with it.”

On second thought, Sheppard can be a bit dense.  Better say it out loud to make sure he actually gets the message.  “Well, Colonel, you brought it up, so _you_ get to deal with it.  I’m sure it comes as no surprise to you all that I had far better things to do with my time than watch a bunch of silly contests on TV.”

Teyla nods sagely, amusement dancing in her eyes, as Sheppard surges ahead on the path.

Which brings Rodney back to where he started.

The Colonel is brooding.

He’s been acting weird for _days_ now, but no one else has noticed.  (What are the odds of him getting taken over by an alien consciousness _again_?  Then again, this _is_ the Pegasus galaxy.  Rodney makes a mental note to start a spreadsheet of who’s been taken over by what- maybe statistics will actually work in their favor this time.  And maybe the next planet they visit will have flying pigs.)

It’s almost like Sheppard’s been avoiding people.  He’s been eating his meals in his quarters instead of with the team, skipped team movie night altogether, hasn’t been down to Rodney’s lab in forever, and he even brushed off Rodney’s offer to go race cars on the east pier.

Things start to fall into place.  Sheppard hasn’t been avoiding people.  He’s been avoiding _**Rodney.**_  

Damn him and his genius brain- now that Rodney’s realized what’s going on, he won’t be able to rest until he confronts John.

Obviously, subtlety is key.  Maybe bring Sheppard some of the good coffee, strike up a conversation, carefully steer the topic in the right direction.  Yes.  That’s an excellent plan.  He’ll do that.

“Sheppard, why the hell have you been avoiding me lately?!”

Then again, subtlety has never been his strong suit.  Still, at least it’s out there now.  Rodney watches carefully as the Colonel freezes in place, left foot hanging in the air for a split second before he comes back to his senses and whirls around to face Rodney.

**************************************************************************

 

“Sheppard, why the hell have you been avoiding me lately?!”

Shit.

Wait- Rodney doesn’t know for sure.  He’s guessing.  Okay.  Combat scenario, possible hostiles, probing for information that he CANNOT give up.

John’s trained for this.

He turns to face Rodney, carefully schooling his expression into one of nonchalance (he hopes).

“What are you talkin’ about, buddy?  You’re being paranoid again- I’ve just been busy!  Quarterly reviews are coming up, and I’ve been swamped in paperwork!”

Good.  Reasonable excuse, not forced, just the right note of outrage.  Has he gotten away with it?

Rodney nods his head, looking slightly mollified, and John silently breathes a sigh of relief.  Thank Christ.  He really needs to make more of an effort to act normal around Rodney.

  
As if he can ever go back to “normal.”


	4. Strait to the Point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we finally get to the song! Warnings for some slight innuendo, mild cursing as always (but definitely no more than in the show itself). Apologies for any typos or grammar mistakes- my current laptop really does not like the letter "k" so there's that.
> 
> And, thank you to everyone who's read, left kudos, bookmarked, subscribed, and commented! You've all been amazingly supportive, and the source of many a squee from me as I read your responses :)

Ow.

 

 

God, why did he agree to a two hour session today?  What was he thinking, giving Teyla an extra hour to beat him with those stupid sticks?!

Well, okay, he knows exactly what he was thinking.  He was _tired_ of thinking, tired of trying to figure out what to do about The Rodney Situation, tired of thinking in circles and losing sleep and falling behind in the mountain of paperwork that he’s supposedly doing instead of hanging out with McKay.  A chance to drive his body to physical exhaustion seemed like a welcome reprieve.

For someone who could have been in Mensa, John can be a real idiot sometimes.

John snags his laptop before collapsing onto his bed.  He’ll play some music, try and make a dent in his e-mails, and just...relax.  He puts his iPod on shuffle, silently thanking the ZPM that let him go to Earth and bring back his music collection, and starts to read through his e-mails.  Supply requisition, request to explore the sub-level of the north pier, supply requisition, note from Lorne asking about gun re-certification for the scientists, supply requisition…  John finally starts to relax into the monotony of replying.

PING!

Goddammit.

 **LordoftheScienceMinions1643** : Sheppard!

John stares at the little window blinking merrily at him.  He is so not ready to deal with Rodney right now.

 

 

 **LordoftheScienceMinions1643** : Sheppard?

John toys with the idea of slamming his laptop shut and convincing Atlantis to hide him from the sensors for the next couple hours.

 

 

 **LordoftheScienceMinions1643** : Sheppard?! You haven’t been answering my radio hails!

 Maybe Rodney will take the hint.

 

 

 **Lordofthescienceminions1643** : Sheppard! I know you’re in your quarters! Are you dead? Should I call Carson?

...Or maybe not.

 

 **2Fast4Fibonacci:** Hey Rodney. What’s up? 

 **Lordofthescienceminions1643** : Great. Fantastic. Not dead. I maybe might have started to get worried and I’m so happy that you’re okay, and so on and so forth, but _really_ , John! What is **_with_** you lately?!

 **2Fast4Fibonacci** : What are you saying, McKay?

 **Lordofthescienceminions1643:**  Nothing! I mean, yes, you’ve been acting weird but it’s not like it’s affecting your performance or your work or...or… Look, you’ve just seemed off lately and I was wondering if something was bothering you and if you wanted I have some free time and we could fit in a race or two on the south pier?

...

...

...Is there a question in there somewhere?  John speaks fluent distracted-genius, but even still he has to take a moment and parse out everything Rodney’s trying to say.

Oh.  Wow.  Rodney’s worried about him? That’s…

that’s…

freaking adorable, is what it is (and not even the threat of being fed upon would ever be enough to make him tarnish his manly image and admit it out loud).

A warm glowy feeling engulfs him as he thinks about how Rodney cares for him, is looking out for him.

It takes about two seconds before he realizes that his face has stretched into what has got to be a ridiculous-looking grin.  Dammit, he’s turned into a walking cliche.

Still.  He _does_ need to make more of an effort to throw Rodney off his track, at least until he can figure out what to do.  And, if he’s honest with himself, he misses hanging out and trading barbs with the scientist.

 **2Fast4Fibonacci:** Okay. Meet you there in ten.

There. Short, to-the-point, doesn’t give anything away.  John heaves himself out of his bed and starts to rifle through his closet for something that _doesn’t_ smell like he got his ass kicked while wearing it.  Absentmindedly, he sings along with the music still pouring out of his laptop.  Say what you will about Cash, Nelson, Haggard, Jones and the rest, but no other genre has mastered wallowing in heartbreak quite like country music.

 

 

> _Cause I don’t love you, now if you’ll buy that-_
> 
> _I’ve got some ocean-front property in Arizona._
> 
> _From my front porch you can see the sea._
> 
> _I’ve got some ocean-front property in-_

 

John freezes mid-lyric, mouth hanging open, one foot still in his workout sweats.  

Could that work?

He can’t come right out and TELL Rodney how he feels.  But if Rodney meant what he said (ohLordplease), maybe John just needs to indicate that _**he’s**_ open to-...well… to Rodney.  (And the innuendo just writes itself, as the back of his mind snickers).

Rodney’s a freaking genius, right? (As if he’d ever let John forget!)  Surely, if he manages to pull this off, Rodney will realize what’s going on, right?

**_Right?_ **

  
God help him- John has a Plan.


	5. Chapter 5

Operation Get Rodney to Admit His Feelings for John ~~Because John Is Too Much of a Chicken to Do It Himself~~ is a go.

Theoretically.

Well, there’s a plan.

Sort of.

In a vague, nebulous kind of way.

Okay, fine, all he has is “play the song and make Rodney listen to it.”

Which, as far as plans go, isn’t the worst thing he’s ever had to work with.

Although, John admits to himself that really has much less to do with the strength of the plan and much more to do with the absolute insanity that is the Pegasus galaxy.

Still.  All he has to do is seize the day, as it were.

John sees an opportunity the next time Todd the Wraith comes to work in McKay’s lab.  John does not like this little partnership, and always insists on staying in the same room.  (If John had his way, Rodney would be separated from the Wraith by thick concrete walls and, ideally, some sort of force field.  But apparently trying to get coding done down in the brig is all but impossible with the interference from the force shield.)  Usually it’s at least a little entertaining, Rodney going on and on about some theory or another, with Todd interjecting the odd, dry comment.  

But this time is different.  John has no idea why, but Rodney has his head down and his mouth shut, and has been like that for almost an hour. John has no idea what’s wrong, this is not the first time Todd’s been in the lab with McKay, but Rodney’s acting as if he’s about to get attacked.  John’s heart twists and aches at the thought of Rodney too terrified to even talk.   He’s tired of sitting there, silently, while Rodney and Todd clack away on keyboards.  

Silently.  

And, really, a silent Rodney is just _**wrong**_.  But John would rather shoot himself in the foot than admit concern for Rodney, especially in front of a Wraith.

“Okay, guys, it is _way_ too quiet in here.  Rodney, how can you even concentrate when it’s this quiet? Here, I have some music that would be great.”  John continues to babble as he hooks his iPod up to Rodney’s laptop, noticing Rodney’s grateful look at breaking the tension.  (And no, dammit, he does NOT melt at that look.  Sure, he’s determined to protect Rodney both physically and psychologically, Lord knows Todd is a master at mind games, but melting? No. He refuses to be a walking cliche.)

John can see Rodney give himself a mental shake, before the scientist retreats once more behind his barriers.  This time, at least, Rodney starts talking again.  And yeah, John knows that Rodney is hiding his nervousness behind words and false bravado, but at least he’s no longer cowed into silence.

Unfortunately, that means that Rodney is already monologuing as George Strait starts to sing, a sardonically quirked eyebrow his only acknowledgment to John’s choice of music.

John mentally bangs his head against the desk.  Good one, John.  Because McKay is **_SO GOOD_** at paying attention to other things while he’s talking.  Caught up in berating himself, John only notices Todd a few minutes into the song.

Todd is standing up straight, head slightly cocked, undeniably listening to the song.  John watches in disbelief as realization dawns on that creepy green face, slit-eyes darting first to the still-oblivious McKay and then back to meet John’s own, smirk spreading across his face.

Well crap.  How on earth did the WRAITH figure it out before Mr Smartest-Man-in-Two-Galaxies, huh?!

More to the point, the WRAITH figured it out.  John swears to himself to never again let McKay out of his sight anywhere near Todd.  Or any other Wraith.  Or on a hive ship.

 

  
As John orders the Marines to haul Todd out of the lab and back down to the cells (he doesn’t even remember what excuse he gave, he just barked something out), he starts to admit, deep deep down inside, that he’s terrified of letting Rodney out of his sight at all.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Clearly, he needs to work on his timing.  No more possible confessions of love in front of the space vampires, check.

As AR-1 faces off against AR-4 in a training exercise, John ruminates on what his next move should be, discarding ideas almost as fast as he can think of them.  Have Rodney pipe the song into the prison where Todd is being held “just to annoy him”?  Pretend to lose something in his room and have the song already playing when Rodney comes in to help him look?  Try and convince Rodney to sing the song on karaoke night? As entertaining as John finds that last thought, he knows that there’s not enough coffee in the world to talk Rodney into making a fool of himself in front of the entire base.

Which brings him to team training, today, a full 3 months after The Incident (as John has taken to calling it in the privacy of his own mind).

John’s walkie talkie (because of course the scenario includes the radios not working) crackles to life.

“Shepherd? You there? Over.”

John sighs.

“Rodney. I told you. You don’t actually **need** to say ‘over.’”

“Colonel. I told _**you**_ that I had other things to do. _**YOU**_ insisted that I participate because I am, and I quote, ‘a civilian and therefore a potential liability in the field!’“

John winces.  In all fairness, he *had* meant that as a general statement, and had only meant to say that Rodney should be setting an example for the other civilian members on off-world teams.  

“And SO, I am here, _attempting_ to learn how **_not to be a liability_** -”

Okay, yeah, he has some serious groveling to do.

“-while I have so many better things to be doing with my time than pretending to raid some weird civilization because what is this supposed to represent? A bar?-”

Also, Cadman is hereby banned from creating training exercises.

“-that caterwauling?! What are the odds that we’ll need to steal something from a civilization that is advanced to have radios, never mind _country music dance clubs_ -?"

Although, John did ask if she could incorporate his George Strait CD into the training scenario, so he supposes that he’s at least partly to blame.

“-and so I figured I might as well learn the lingo. **_Over_**.”  
  


Talk about a charlie foxtrot.  
  


“Rodney, look, I’m sorry, okay? PLEASE can we just get on with this?”

“...Fine. But you owe me. Big. Like, go get the expensive coffee on Earth big.”

John, trying to mollify the scientist, concedes gracefully. “Sure, buddy. Whatever you want.”  
  
  
...

 

...

 

“Roger that.” 

Something that sounds suspiciously like a snort of laughter comes from the area of the big tubs that Ronon is using for cover.

“But really, what is this supposed to be? What are we going to do, raid a Genii speakeasy?!”

Before John can form a response, the lights come on in the big room they had set up for training exercises, and Chuck’s voice comes through the city’s intercom system. “Colonel Sheppard, please get on your radio immediately.”

John scrambles for his radio, Rodney not far behind.  As he hears Rodney snap in the background “This is McKay. Report,” John asks “What’s going on, Elizabeth?”

“John, AR-7 brought back intel on a possible ZPM currently in the possession of the Genii.  Your team needs to act on this quickly.  Let’s not miss this opportunity.  Suit up- AR-7 will brief you on the way.”

 

\-------------------------------------

 

Rodney cannot believe this.  Oh sure, he knows someone Up There has to have it out for him, what with the Pegasus galaxy and the Wraith and the Replicators and never winning a Nobel. 

But this?

This is just ridiculous.

  
They’re raiding a Genii speakeasy.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I think it'll be just one more after this (this was going to be the last chapter, but then it started getting long). Warning for language, as usual. Also, I've gone back through and fixed most of those weird spacing issues, so feel free to cast your eyes on previous chapters :)

_Stay back, Rodney._

_You’re just a civilian, Rodney._

_Rodney, you’re a potential liability in the field._

But oh! You need a door open, a security system hacked? _Thank God you’re here, Rodney!_

“McKay. Shut. Up.” Ronon forces the words out through gritted teeth, shooting Rodney a dirty look. “You’re going to get us caught!”

Apparently, Rodney’s internal monologue (really, it’s a joke to think he has just the one.  He’s a genius and has several different trains of thought running simultaneously through his mind. Obviously) had briefly become _external_.

Oops.

Still. The point stands. Without Doctor M Rodney McKay, PhD, PhD, there would be no AR-1.

Well, okay, there would still be an AR-1, just without Rodney.  And therefore inferior.

Yes.

Satisfied with the justification of his own importance, Rodney turns his attention back to the situation at hand.

At foot, really.

Rodney and Ronon are hiding in an air duct above the main room of the (and Rodney **_still_ ** can’t believe he’s really saying this) _Genii speakeasy_ .  According to Rodney’s dive watch (no, of **_course_ ** he doesn’t scuba dive, not after the whole Puddle Jumper watery grave thing, but the watch stands up remarkably well to Wraith attacks) Teyla and Sheppard have one more minute to get into position by the back door of the building until Rodney Causes A Distraction.

He’s quite proud of this little program, actually- it’s as close to “plug and play” as you can get in a galaxy where the primary tech is either organic or _mind controlled_ .  Rodney already has his tablet wired into the Genii sound system. (“Wired” is a bit too generous a term, to be honest.  He basically just started stripping every cable he could find and then wrapped the wire around his adapter.  Given a bit more time, he could definitely have done better.  Hell, **_Zelenka_ ** could have done better. At least his background actually includes electrical engineering.)  

“McKay. It’s time.” At that, Rodney presses Enter to run the program.  Instantly, the screeching that the Genii consider classy music stops (thank God) and the large room is plunged into darkness as Rodney takes control of the sound and light system.  His program is coded to wait 30 seconds before executing the next command (“Maximum chaos,” Sheppard had asked for), and his eyes scroll over the next few lines of code illuminated on his tablet, taking the opportunity to congratulate himself on a job well-... 

...-Hang on.

…

Someone has messed with his program.  

Someone has _messed_ with his _program_.

Someone has messed with **_his_ ** program. 

Thirteen seconds before Neil Young’s “The Loner” is _supposed_ to be piped through the sound system (Rodney’s Canadian pride would allow nothing less) Rodney’s eyes widen in disbelief.  The audio file has been swapped.  The song that is _actually_ about to play (6 seconds) is a…

a…

a country song?!

And yes, there it goes.  The lights start flashing on and off (nothing is more chaotic than a disco, Rodney reasons).  Eyes narrowed, Rodney tries to track where and when the change was made (identifying the Song Bandit has just topped destroying the Wraith on Rodney’s To-Do List) while that twangy, sorry excuse for music plays on in the background.

 _If you leave me, I won’t miss you_.

Shouts from below echo through the air duct- Sheppard and Teyla.  Hopefully.

 _I got some ocean front property in Arizona_.

Now that doesn’t even make sense.  Arizona is a desert, for crying out loud.

_Cause I don’t love you, now if you’ll buy that._

Rodney’s head snaps up from his tablet when he hears the “L” word.  Love?  

Waitwaitwaitwait

He’s heard this song before.

Rodney **_knows_ ** that he has heard this song before.  

His train of thought is broken as Ronon grabs his arm and starts dragging him towards the exit. “Time to leave, McKay!”

 

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

“We have arrived at the establishment’s back door with 90 seconds to spare.” 

Teyla’s words barely register; John is far too busy second guessing himself. What the hell was he thinking?!  Oh Lord, Rodney is going to figure it out and what if Rodney doesn’t feel the same way John will never be able to look him in the eye again and _whatthehellwasI_ **_thinking-_**

“John?”

John has had some dumb ideas in his day, but what on **Earth** (Lantia? _Jesus*_ **_I*_ ** _dontknow_ ) gave him the idea to hijack Rodney’s code?! Not like John could have actually done anything on his own- he loves math but computer programming was never his thing- but all he had to do was give Zelenka his George Strait CD and mumble a few words before Zelenka had smiled knowingly and asked which song in particular he wanted. (On the one hand, thank God, because John doesn’t really go for the whole share your feelings thing, but on the other hand, damn, has he really been that obvious?) 

“John?”

Rodney’s ( _hopefully not?_ ) going to realize that the songs have been switched before the song ever gets to play and if he **_ever_ ** finds out John is the reason his code was changed it might not matter _how_ many confessions of love John might have in his back pocket, because No one. Touches. McKay’s. Code.

“John! It is time!”

John finally realizes that Teyla has been calling him ( **_Jesus_ ** , how embarrassing, can’t even keep his mind on the damn **_mission_ ** ) about a quarter of a second before the lights go out and they are plunged into darkness and silence.  Teyla and John slip through the door as people start to call to each other.  John silently counts down from 30, growing more and more nervous as he nears zero.

Oh my god.

It worked.

The fiddle introduction to Ocean Front Property blares from the speaker as the lights begin to randomly flash on and off.  John starts to breathe a sigh of relief, but then-

Well, crap.

Now all he has to do is fight his way through a roomful of Genii, steal the ZPM that intel indicated should be behind the bar counter, fight his way back out, make it to the gate, and try and look at Rodney without blushing like a schoolgirl.

Just another day in Pegasus.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning (as usual for me) for strong language.

“MCKAY!”

“Can’t talk, running for my life right now!”

Funny how they always seem to end missions the same way.  It’s almost a tradition. You know-

Worst. Tradition. Ever.

Because Pegasus.

Rodney sprints for the gate, ZPM cradled to his chest. The hand off, at least, had gone exactly according to plan.  Ronon and Rodney had burst into the main lounge right as Sheppard reached the bar with the ZPM behind it.  Rodney had run past and grabbed it without even slowing down, in a beautiful pass-off worthy of Sheppard’s precious American football league.  And then, in the best tradition of AR-1, Rodney continued to run for the gate.  Teyla and Ronon are still back in the speakeasy, holding off the Genii as long as possible to give Rodney and Sheppard a better chance to get to the gate.

And, okay, fine, Rodney is  **_very_ ** good at talking, even while running (lots of practice, after all), but this gives him an excuse- he isn’t ready to talk to Sheppard.  He needs to think, and reason, and maybe draw a flowchart or two, go over his memories of the past few weeks, because something is going on, and there’s no **_possible_ ** way that it’s what Rodney thinks (and hopes and prays) that it is.

Because the idea that John-

Even the  _ thought _ that-

Rodney just needs time to think.

Strangely enough, running for his life (again) is not exactly conducive to thinking.  So when John shouts his name, Rodney snaps back reflexively.  _  Let’s face it, John is probably just going to figure out a way to blame me again.  Not enough intel, not the _ **_right_ ** _ intel, can’t run fast enough and there’s no point in shouting Sheppard, I  _ **_know_ ** _ I can do better, blah blah bla  _ **_JESUSFUCKINGCHRISTWHATTHEHELL_ **

_________________________

John is about 50 feet behind Rodney when Rodney just  **_drops_ ** .

“RODNEY!” Okay, don’t panic, he probably just tripped and oh Lord he isn’t moving and oh my  _ God _ is that **_blood_ ** and  **_hell_ ** no Rodney isn’t **ALLOWED** to just die, that is just  **_not_ ** going to happen and-

He’s breathing.  

Rodney is breathing.  

John starts breathing again.

Breathing is happening.  Breathing is good.  Just take deep breaths and why is the front of his shirt so wet and **_some Genii bastard_ ** **_shot_ ** **_McKay._ **

_ Come on, John. Revenge later (and it  _ **_will_ ** _ be later). Rescue now. _

John hears more shots fired from those damn Genii pistols, interspersed with the sound of Ronon’s blaster, and narrows his focus to one thing.  Get Rodney through the gate.  He trusts  Ronon and Teyla to cover his six.

John takes a minute to thank Carson for insisting on mandatory field medicine training as he kneels down next to Rodney and see that he has, in fact, been shot in the stomach.   _ Calm down _ .  It’s bad, yes, but Rodney doesn’t seem to be losing that much blood (John unfortunately has far too much experience with the kind of damage bullets can do) and so probably nothing important has been hit.  Even though it makes John’s life quite a bit more difficult, he’s thankful that it looks like Rodney’s passed out- this next part is going to hurt.  John strips off his tac vest to use as a makeshift pressure bandage ( _ Hurry, John, the Genii are coming and they are  _ **_not_ ** _ happy _ ) before hauling Rodney into a fireman’s carry.  John hesitates for a second before dropping Rodney to the ground again and grabbing the ZPM.

Rodney would _ never _ let him hear the end of it if he left the ZPM behind.  

John secures it to his pack, doing his best with some rope and zip ties before once again hefting Rodney over his shoulder. 

Left foot, right foot, gate’s not that much farther, there’s the DHD and thank you  _ God _ because there’s Teyla, punching in the address for Atlantis and sending in the IDC, so that all John has to do is stumble into the puddle ( _ “event horizon” _ he can hear McKay saying in his head and  **_come on Rodney just hang in there_ ** ) and let physics take him home.

_______________________________________________

Mmmm. The world is all soft and warm. It’s  **_very_ ** comfortable. No reason to get out of bed just yet- he’d hear the radio if there was an emergency.

Although, come to think of it, he  _ does _ hear **_something_ ** …

 

> _ I’ve got some ocean-front property in Arizona. _
> 
> _ From my front porch you can see the sea. _
> 
> _ Ocean front property in Arizona- _
> 
> _ And if you buy that I’ll throw the Golden Gate in free. _

 

Oh.

**_Oh._ **

Okay, yes, it’s a country song, and yes, it is unbelievably corny, but  _ Rodney has heard this song before. _

_ Rodney has heard this  _ **_love_ ** _ song before.  _ **_Recently._ **

Rodney’s mind flashes through just how **_many_ ** times he’s heard this song before.  (And he will  **_DESTROY_ ** John for messing with his code, but  _ priorities _ .)

And now he feels unbelievably stupid. 

Because if this is a love song, and it keeps popping up around Rodney, and John always seems to be behind the music…

Either John is turning into a bug again (and has therefore lost his mind) or  **_John has feelings for Rodney._ **

To be quite honest, the bug thing seems more believable.

But that song is still playing, and Rodney is still warm and safe, and there’s a hand clutching his.  Okay.  He’s got to play this cool.  And, you know, like he’s not emotionally constipated, because goodness knows _ John  _ isn’t the talker of the two of them.  Be nice. Warm. Kind. Loving.

Rodney’s eyes pop open.

“I know you like Johnny Cash, but  _ really _ , Sheppard?  **_Country music_ ** ?”

Or, you know, an insult.  Works better for the two of them anyways.

John is staring at him, a weird expression on his face.  Rodney wonders if John’s aware that he’s still clutching Rodney’s hand.

“Oh, shut  **_up_ ** , McKay.” Really, the insults are way more natural. Way more... _ them _ .

Rodney scrutinizes John, searching his eyes, his face, for confirmation.  (Of what, he doesn’t know. Of turning into a bug? Of punking Rodney? Of…)  Never let it be said that Doctor Meredith Rodney McKay, PhD, PhD, shies away from a challenge.  Rodney quirks his mouth into a wry smile (oh God, and his hands are sweating,  _ please let him be right of course he’s a genius but people are just a special brand of voodoo and deep breath here we go _ )

“Make me.”  Rodney meets John’s eyes, raising his eyebrows in what he hopes is a sexy and challenging manner (but which probably looks more like a nervous tic).  John moves in closer.

Closer.

 

Closer.

 

He hovers right in front of Rodney, their noses almost touching.   _ Be patient, Rodney. Let John make the first move.  Play hard to get. _

“You spiky-haired, suicidal _ idiot _ .  **_Come here_ ** .”  Rodney impatiently hauls up on John’s collar, pulling him into a kiss.

He never was very good with subtle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooo! Made it! I'm definitely of the start writing without a plan and see if something interesting happens variety, so I'm pleasantly surprised I ended up with a story :P
> 
> In all seriousness, though, thank you guys for hanging in there and for being an awesome fandom. I love these guys, so hopefully I'll be back as soon as I can come up with a new story idea (feel free to make suggestions!)

**Author's Note:**

> The title references "Ocean Front Property" by George Strait, which you can listen to at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ioPa1URjZ_Y
> 
> It's a nice bonus that Atlantis just happens to be in the middle of the ocean ;)


End file.
